Accessing And Reformulating Emotion

1. 
Match the following statements to one of the following universal emotions (anger/rage, joy/elation, sadness/despair, fear/anxiety, shame/disgust, surprise/curiosity):
  1. “My world falls apart when I hear you talking about leaving.”
  2. “I could care less about talking to you after you fail to take my needs seriously.”
  3. “I can’t talk about this. No, I don’t want to even look at him. I don’t want him to see me
    like this.”
  4. “So you get shaky when I am angry? I’ve never seen it, is that really true?”
  5. “It’s too much. I can’t do it. I feel so fragile.”
  6. “Yeah, I say those things just to get a response out of you. I know you can’t handle.
    it. You’re emotionally dead.”
  7. “I am so lonely, and we used to be so close. Some days it is just too much for me.”
  8. “I know it’s my fault. I try my best, but it’s really not good enough. It’s not what she
    is looking for.”
  9. “It just felt so good – to have him come down and ask me for a hug. It felt like we
    really turned a corner last night.”
  10. “Sometimes I feel so alone, and I can’t stand it, like what if she never comes back or
    never opens up to me again.”
2. 
Track the underlying process of emotion through each of these scenarios.
Jack tells his wife that he does not want to comfort her. She stiffens in her chair and
flushes red as she gestures by wringing her hands. The therapist reflects her stiffening
and her hand gesture and asks what is happening for her. She looks down and says,
“I can’t hear that—I just can’t bear it.” She stares out the window and sighs.
  1. Identify the emotion she maybe experiencing: 
3. 
Track the underlying process of emotion through each of these scenarios.
Jack tells his wife that he does not want to comfort her. She stiffens in her chair and
flushes red as she gestures by wringing her hands. The therapist reflects her stiffening
and her hand gesture and asks what is happening for her. She looks down and says,
“I can’t hear that—I just can’t bear it.” She stares out the window and sighs.
         2. Now label the steps leading from her appraisal to her action.
Appraisal:
Arousal:
Reappraisal:
Action Tendency:
4. 
Track the underlying process of emotion through each of these scenarios.
Marcy becomes very still and presses her lips together as her depressed and withdrawn
partner expresses that she has become “difficult and demanding” and says that he
is no longer willing to put up with her criticism. She moves forward raising her voice
and, with a challenging tone says, “Oh, so it’s my problem, I am the bad guy? This has
nothing to do with your affairs! You’re just trying to shift the responsibility away from
your lies. You blame me when it’s your weakness that you can’t handle. I will not stand
for this. Do you hear me?”
  1. Identify the emotions she may be experiencing: .
  2. Now label the steps leading from her appraisal to her action.
    Appraisal: .
    Arousal:  .
    Reappraisal:  .
    Action Tendency: .
5. 
Track the underlying process of emotion through each of these scenarios.
Kim embraces Larry after he returns from a weekend away. Larry’s body stiffens and is
rigid in response. He looks toward the ground and she asked him three times in a fast
paced anxious tone how his trip went. She backs away. Larry responds in a guarded
fashion reassuring her that everything was fine. He walks into the other room and she
follows, inviting him to tell her what is on his mind when he is ready.
  1. Identify the emotions she may be experiencing: .
  2. Now label the steps leading from her appraisal to her action.
    Appraisal: .
    Arousal:  .
    Reappraisal:  .
    Action Tendency: .
6. 
Track the underlying process of emotion through each of these scenarios.
Later that evening, Larry kisses Kim good night hoping that she will respond to what
he views as a sexual invitation. She responds but then turns away closing her eyes.
He feels tense and slides away from her in an aggressive manner saying good night in
frustration. Kim moves toward him but Larry is now keeping his distance.
  1. Identify the emotions she may be experiencing: .
  2. Now label the steps leading from her appraisal to her action.
    Appraisal: .
    Arousal:  .
    Reappraisal:  .
    Action Tendency: .

    Emotions as “action tendencies” prompt certain responses. Therapists can anticipate that
    certain emotions will prompt certain behaviors.
7. 
Think over the last month or so and reflect on the times when you experienced each of the following emotions. Then match the emotion to the actions in the lettered listed below. Note: The emotions can elicit more than one emotional response.
Anger
8. 
Think over the last month or so and reflect on the times when you experienced each of the following emotions. Then match the emotion to the actions in the lettered listed below. Note: The emotions can elicit more than one emotional response.
Shame
9. 
Think over the last month or so and reflect on the times when you experienced each of the following emotions. Then match the emotion to the actions in the lettered listed below. Note: The emotions can elicit more than one emotional response.
Fear
10. 
Think over the last month or so and reflect on the times when you experienced each of the following emotions. Then match the emotion to the actions in the lettered listed below. Note: The emotions can elicit more than one emotional response.
Surprise
11. 
Think over the last month or so and reflect on the times when you experienced each of the following emotions. Then match the emotion to the actions in the lettered listed below. Note: The emotions can elicit more than one emotional response.
Joy
12. 
Think over the last month or so and reflect on the times when you experienced each of the following emotions. Then match the emotion to the actions in the lettered listed below. Note: The emotions can elicit more than one emotional response.
Sadness
13. 
Now apply these emotions and action tendencies to the following situation:
  1. When a couple gets in an argument that is heated the husband withdraws from the
    argument by disengaging from the intensifying escalation. What feeling would typically
    lead to this action? 
  2. As his wife finds him less and less responsive to her complaints, her anger escalates,
    as she is less able to sense that she is getting through to him. How will anger typically
    prompt him to respond?
14. 
Identify the type of emotion illustrated in each sentence below (primary, secondary, or instrumental):
  1. She said she was afraid, hoping that he would hold her and be protective of her.
  2. When he told her that he did not want to make love, she flew into a rage and began
    to list all of his mistakes and shortcomings.  
  3. As he saw her smiling at his friend, he felt sick and a sense of dread and hopelessness
    overcame him.  
  4. She cried continually in the session watching and hoping that her husband would
    feel bad and change his behavior.  
  5. As she made her demands clear, he seemed to recoil and get smaller. He shut down
    and said he felt fine about her comments.  
  6. He says in a soft voice, “When you talk that way, it really hurts me.”  
15. 
Identify the primary emotions underlying each of the following client statements.
  1. “I numb out, it just feels better than listening to you tell me that I can’t do anything
    right.” Then quietly, “I know I am not perfect, not what you need.”
  2. “It’s beyond frustration. I get exasperated when he just sits there. Not reacting. Not
    responding. It is like no one is home. I think to myself, I can get him to respond.
    Then I show my anger.”  
  3. “I get so upset. He says I don’t parent the children right. And when I try to talk about
    it with him, he will just lecture me. I never get it right. So I just pull away and don’t
    try. Silence is better than his disapproval.”  
  4. “You went cold on me, so cold that I just said to myself that I was not going to take
    this any longer. So I just walked out.”  
  5. “I feel kind of trapped, like my efforts are futile. When I try to open up to her it
    doesn’t work. I just don’t know how to talk about how I feel. ” 
  6. “If I didn’t talk then nobody would in this relationship. Silence would be all you
    hear and I can’t handle it. I get angry when he doesn’t seem to care.”  
  7. “Sure I get angry when she points out how her father handles a situation. It’s like she
    is saying I am not man enough, and she has to tell me how to be like her old man.”  
  8. “Sometimes this relationship seems like too much work. I am just exhausted and
    when he doesn’t give any effort, I think why should I try. My efforts don’t make a
    difference anyway. Nothing is going to change.”
16. 
The following exercises will help you develop your recognition of secondary emotions and will provide you with practice exercises in reflecting secondary emotional responses.
Which of the following is typically a secondary emotion in a distressed relationship?
17. 
The following exercises will help you develop your recognition of secondary emotions and will provide you with practice exercises in reflecting secondary emotional responses.
Which of the following is typically a secondary emotion?
18. 
“I can’t take it anymore. He raises his voice and demands an answer, and I don’t have one. It drives me nuts! I get so angry at him. I just launch right back into him.”
List the secondary emotions stated or described in the example above.
19. 
“So you he gets angry and demands an answer. Then you don’t have an answer so you respond back with anger, pushing him away.”
Now from the example above create a brief reflection of secondary emotion within the
context of the cycle.
20. 
Choose the reflection that best fits the secondary emotion within the couple’s cycle described in the example above
21. 
He just gets too irritable. I can feel it coming. I get tense…like I prepare for the onslaught. I fear that I won’t be able to appease him. I won’t measure up to his demands of me. I don’t know what to do; it’s awful. I try to respond, and he just gets more irritable. So I try again, and he gets angrier. I keep trying to explain, but at some point there’s just no use. I can only take so much, so I end up either going cold, shutting down, or going off alone.
  1. What are the apparent secondary emotional responses for the male in the example
    above?
  2. What are the apparent secondary emotional responses for the female?
  3. Create your own reflection of secondary emotion within the context of the cycle.
22. 
Choose the best reflection of secondary emotion within the context of the cycle:
23. 
The following exercises will help you clarify your understanding of primary emotions and will provide you with practice exercises in reflecting primary or underlying emotional responses.
Primary emotions are:
24. 
The following exercises will help you clarify your understanding of primary emotions and will provide you with practice exercises in reflecting primary or underlying emotional responses.
EFT therapists focus on primary emotion related to:
25. 
The following exercises will help you clarify your understanding of primary emotions and will provide you with practice exercises in reflecting primary or underlying emotional responses.
Primary emotions in distressed relationships are often:
26. 
The following exercises will help you clarify your understanding of primary emotions and will provide you with practice exercises in reflecting primary or underlying emotional responses.
Which of the following best describe common primary emotions:
27. 
“I have fifteen years of anger built up. It’s very hard for me talk about my fear because the anger just comes so quickly.”
In the statement above, the secondary emotion is most likely while the primary
emotion is most likely .
28. 
Therapist: “Let me see if I am on track here guys. Grace, you see him coming and think ‘What have I done now?’ Right? You immediately notice this expression on his face, and initially you kind of freeze in fear. It’s like, ‘Here we go again; he’s pissed off about something. I once again don’t measure up.’ You then quickly move into defending or lashing out.”
Respond to the statement above using the questions below.
  1. What is the primary emotion noted in the context of the cycle?
  2. What action is associated with this primary emotion?
  3. How did the couple respond at a secondary level to their primary emotions above?
29. 
What is the key attachment-related client descriptor associated with primary emotion reflected above?
30. 
Therapist: “And Don, you come toward her wanting an explanation, right? In your mind she has once again ‘dropped the ball’ as you say, which you initially take as an expression of how she doesn’t really care about your wishes. You’ve said that this initially hits you ‘like tearing a hole in my heart,’ and you question her love for you, which brings on all kinds of fear, panic, and sadness. But these emotions are extremely painful, and they quickly move to intense anger in you. And in that anger you go ‘let her have it.’ Is this how it goes?”
Respond to the statement above using the questions below :
  1. What are possible primary emotions underlying this cycle?
  2. Name one attachment-related theme associated with the primary emotion being
    described.
  3. What is the secondary, more reactive emotion in the cycle described above?
  4. Name one client phrase/theme that is associated with a secondary emotion in the
    cycle being described. 
31. 
Therapist: “This cycle hits, and you guys fall in line, don’t you? You really march to the beat of this cycle. It’s a beat you both know all too well. You go at each other, eventually going into your separate corners, both of you very alone… and afraid. Is this how it goes?”
Respond to the statement above using the question below.
What are the attachment-related primary emotions resulting from the couple’s cycle
that ends in separation and emotional disconnection?  
32. 
Validation of a partner’s responses is most effective when :
33. 
Validation and reflection are intended to :
34. 
After Leo’s affair, Lisa found it difficult to not check up on Leo if he was late in returning home. In Lisa’s words: “I feel better calling him, even if it annoys him. But I just can’t stand not knowing if he is where he said he would be.”
  1. Now form a statement to validate Lisa’s experience.
35. 
Review the two statements you composed. Does your statement include a reflection of each partner’s experience? Does your statement include a statement validating her/his experience?
Form a validation statement responding to Leo’s new experience of his underlying
emotions. [Keep in mind his initial frustration. Validate his response to her
36. 
Now imagine Leo responds to Lisa’s defensive response with one of his own. He pulls back and folds his arms, saying “See why it’s hard to want to try, when she doesn’t even give things a chance. She doesn’t give me a chance.”
Now form a validating response to her defensiveness. Help him see how her response
makes sense given the interaction.
37. 
Keeping these things in mind, construct a validation statement for the following partner who is a “chronic criticizer.” She wants a more intimate relationship with her partner and her common approach to issues of concern in her relationship is to point out areas that he could change. When he challenges her, she redoubles her criticism until he backs down. You also learned from her in an earlier session that using harsh words was the only way she was heard in her hostile family of origin.
38. 
Evocative responding guides the client to the __________ of their experience and __________ the client to explore and reprocess their experience making it more specific and tangible
39. 
Giving an evocative response, the therapist gives direct attention to:
40. 
Important to forming any evocative response is the use of:
41. 
Form an evocative response to the following client situations.
  1. Your client has a pained expression on his face when describing what happens
    when he tries to talk with his partner about the way he makes financial decisions.
  2. Shannon has just heard how Bob withdraws from their conflicts because he doesn’t
    know how to respond to her criticism. He is afraid to hurt her and fears that she may
    be losing interest in him. What might a therapist say to explore Shannon’s experience
    of hearing Bob’s fear?
  3. Felicia has tears in her eyes as she describes her angry pursuit of Hosea when he
    ignores her, preferring to talk to his friends rather than her.
  4. Jane looks at Steven after explaining the couple’s most recent fight. Steven glares
    back at her and rolls his eyes. The therapist seeing a pained response on Jane’s
    face uses evocative responding to explore this emotional reaction. How would you
    phrase an evocative response to Jane?
  5. Now form an evocative response for Steve
  6. Russell seems to withdraw from Ceslie as she, in tears, laments the state of their
    relationship. How might you evocatively respond to Russell’s sudden withdrawal?
42. 
Consider how you might use an evocative response to draw out a client’s experience.
  1. “I feel sick when she talks about leaving me.”
  2. “After our fight, I had to go and lay down. I was exhausted.”
  3. Sheri stumbles struggling to find words to describe her sadness when she hears Paul
    talk about leaving the relationship.
  4. Shawn describes his grandfather as the one person in his life he has always trusted
    and turned for support. How might the therapist form an evocative response to
    address Shawn’s fears of inadequacy in his relationship with Karen? Form an evocative response speaking as the grandfather to help Shawn with his fear.
  5. Shawn grips his chair as tears stream down his face, while he shares the words of
    reassurance from his grandfather. How might the therapist expand on Shawn’s experience using an evocative response?
43. 
Use an image or a metaphor to form a heightening statement in response to the following situations
  1. A withdrawer’s loneliness at her partner’s disengagement in the relationship.
  2. A pursuer’s fear that his partner will never respond to his needs.
  3. A pursuer’s frustration about not getting a meaningful response from her partner.
  4. A partner’s hope with the changes that have taken place in her relationship.
  5. A partner’s surprise at the support he experiences from his previously distant spouse.
44. 
Select the therapist response that would most likely heighten the partner’s affect.
I guess I just find it hard to keep trying to reach him after years of no response.
45. 
There is no pleasing her. Why should I try? She will always find some way I don’t measure up.
46. 
I can’t believe that. He says he wants to be with me, but he’s afraid. I don’t get it. Most of the time it seems like he doesn’t care.
47. 
Sometimes, though we are together, he could be miles away. I am so alone.
48. 
It was so good. He started to back away and then it was like he stopped. Turned to me and I could tell he was there for me
49. 
I don’t see what difference it makes. Why does she need to know how I feel about that?
50. 
How many times do I have to tell him? He just doesn’t care. He’s in his own world. I could be dying out here and he wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t care!
51. 
It is so hard. I don’t think I could tell him that. I am just not sure.
52. 
I don’t want to spend our lives like this. I want to be close. I want to know her, to really know her.
53. 
Jane shares with Tim her lack of desire to be with him sexually. Tim’s eye’s well with tears as he says “I don’t understand.”
54. 
Look for the example below where the therapist is heightening a client’s positive sense of self.
55. 
Now form a heightening response of your own using the following client statements.
  1. James is afraid to tell his partner that underlying his withdrawal is a fear of not being
    good enough.
  2. Kris describes feeling safe with Richard for the first time in months.
  3. Paul expresses his irritation at being interrupted with his wife’s personal calls while
    he is at work. (Use an enactment to heighten this response.).
  4. Leslie fears that she is not good enough for Manuel and hides her desires to be close
    to him.
  5. Shannon shares how much better she feels about herself when she is immersed in
    work compared to the insecurity she feels in her relationship with Chris.
  6. Peter describes his pattern of attacking Marcia when she presses him about his
    feelings. Peter complains: “She gives me no space, so I make space. I push her away.
    It is the only thing I know to do.”
56. 
Empathic conjecture is:
57. 
Many empathic conjectures focus on:
58. 
This intervention is used to bring to light attachment-related needs and longings that are blocked by a client’s fears.
59. 
This intervention is used when a partner or a couple is extremely resistant to exploring their emotional experience
60. 
Identify the therapist statement that is an empathic conjecture:
Cherise and Samuel have a long-standing pursuit-and-demand cycle that organizes
around Cherise’s chronic dissatisfaction with Samuel’s “commitment” to her. The
couple says this frequent fight dates back to Samuel’s lack of support following the
death of her father. Which of the following would help Cherise reflect on the hurt
she has that underlies her anger?
61. 
Later Samuel is asked about his experience in hearing Cherise recount how abandoned she felt when Samuel does not respond to her pain. Samuel talks about his confusion, of not knowing how to respond to her feelings. He admits that it’s sometimes safer if he just “takes it in” rather than trying to respond it. Which of the following statements would a therapist select as an empathic conjecture that would lead Samuel to the leading edge of his experience?
62. 
The therapist asks Samuel what it’s like for him to sit in the room while Cherise expresses her disgust regarding his concern for her. Samuel describes the sense of sinking in his chair and getting smaller and smaller.
63. 
After exploring his fear of being seen as inadequate in Cherise’s eyes and his concern about losing her, Cherise finds it hard to believe Samuel really cares underneath all of his silence. The therapist explores her experience and returns to the pain she feels. Choose an empathic conjecture the therapist could use to help Cherise expand her experience of Samuel and her pattern of demanding in the face of his silence.
64. 
As treatment progresses, it becomes clear that Cherise’s doubts and fears about her trust of Samuel also reflect her underlying feelings of shame and questions of personal worth. Choose an empathic conjecture that will invite Cherise to explore this further.
65. 
The therapist works to further expand this vulnerable moment for the couple by seeding attachment. Select the intervention below which best fits this intervention and this scenario.
66. 
You are working with Mark, who frequently attacks his partner, Julie, when she asks him about his feelings toward her. He reveals that he feels out of control in these conversations.
  1. Form an empathic conjecture that will draw him to the leading edge of the loss of
    control feeling.
  2. Now write an empathic conjecture that will help this partner explore the ways in
    which his anger functions as a defensive strategy.
  3. Form an empathic conjecture that will help Julie connect her anxious pursuit of
    Mark to her questions about Mark’s feelings regarding the relationship.
  4. Form an empathic conjecture that connects Julie’s need for reassurance to an attachment-related fear or fantasy.
  5. Mark later explores his own pattern of attack followed by withdrawal in the relationship. He touches on the loneliness and frustration he feels when he comes up against an
    impasse and is unable to comfort her after an argument. Form an empathic conjecture
    that will help Mark connect his loneliness to an attachment-related theme.
  6. Now take the attachment-related theme you used for Mark and write a seeding
    attachment conjecture.
67. 
Imagine you have a couple that has begun to make changes. The withdrawn partner is reengaging the relationship and has been more forthcoming with his needs and hopes for the relationship. At the same time, his wife, who is now getting what she said she wanted from him, now shifts between receiving this new attention and distrustful rejection of his attempts. She concludes: “How do I know he is really sincere?” Compose a disquisition that includes:
  1. Acknowledgment of the client’s difficulty in trusting these new changes.
  2. A description about how other clients have had similar struggle.
  3. Either describe a particular client’s experience or describe the general experience of
    pursuers to the engagement of a withdrawer.
  4. Be sure to include reference to emotions underlying the distrust of this change.
  5. Mark later explores his own pattern of attack followed by withdrawal in the relationship. He touches on the loneliness and frustration he feels when he comes up against an
    impasse and is unable to comfort her after an argument. Form an empathic conjecture
    that will help Mark connect his loneliness to an attachment-related theme.
  6. Now take the attachment-related theme you used for Mark and write a seeding
    attachment conjecture.
68. 
Which of the following therapist’s statements is an appropriate self-disclosure for the therapist who is seeking to intensify the validation of the client’s emotional experience?
Select the most appropriate response:
69. 
Which of the following therapist’s statements is an appropriate self-disclosure for the therapist who is seeking to intensify the validation of the client’s emotional experience?
Select the most appropriate response to help a client who is cut off from his anger
move closer to experiencing this feeling: